


Perceived Palpability

by honeybunchesofgoats



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gen, Hallucinations, Mental Instability, Minor Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Schizophrenia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-07 15:17:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3176681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeybunchesofgoats/pseuds/honeybunchesofgoats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“They live inside the walls.”</p>
<p>“What walls, Eren?”</p>
<p>“The three walls. Maria, Rose, and Sina.  I’ve got to help them.  The titans are getting in the walls and are eating all the people.”</p>
<p>“Eren, you’re talking…”  What, Crazy? Don’t go there, Arlert.  Eren set his jaw in a defiant scowl.</p>
<p>“No, stop.  I know I’m not crazy, Armin.  They’re real!  You don’t know how terrifying they are!  You don’t know!  If I can kill them, exterminate every last one… I’ll be free.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea in my head since forever... Still not exactly sure where I'm going with it, I only got some parts figured out.. But we'll see how it develops! I feel like I need to say that I don't know anyone with schizophrenia, or ever had it myself, I'm going on what I've researched, medical-wise and personal accounts-wise. My great uncle had paranoid schizophrenia so I'm going off of his habits too. So, I mean to write this as accurately as I can, but well. Internet reading and the Oprah Winfrey show only informs me so much. Enjoy!

The first time Eren Jaeger realized no one else could see the titans, he felt more hopless than he’d felt when he first saw a titan crush a human between its teeth.  Eren saw titans walking through the buildings every day, their vacant eyes staring straight ahead as their eerie smiles never faltered.  Eren was 5 years old.

“What do you mean you can’t see them? Armin, they’re _right_ there! We have to get inside and hide!”

“Eren, I don’t see anything.  We’re safe, trust me.  We can keep playing.”

“No! Armin, there’s two titans coming, how can you not feel their footsteps!?  We have to go inside now!”

And with that, Eren dragged Armin inside, making them hide under his bed until his mother found them a few hours later.

“Eren! What were you doing under there? I was looking for you for an hour!  When I didn’t see you outside, I panicked!  Do you realize how much you scared me?”

Eren crawled out from under his bed, Armin in tow.

“But there were titans outside!  We had to hide!”

Carla Jaeger’s face flashed between anger and sadness, then her eyes softened but the lines under them became just a little deeper.

“Eren, when you see the titans, you come and get me, okay?  You can’t just hide on me like that.”

Eren looked up at his mother with pure panic in his eyes, tears welling up.

“No! If I do that, they’ll eat you! You won’t listen to me and hide! Sometimes you gotta run too, and you won’t do that either!  You and dad never listen to me!”  His voice cracked with frustration.

Carla sighed, closing her eyes for a moment before crouching down and pulling Eren into a hug.

“Come on, Eren let’s go get ready for dinner.  It’s almost time to eat.”

“Can Armin stay for dinner, too?”

“Of course, Eren.  Armin can stay for dinner.”

Eren turned around and smiled at Armin when his mother left to go downstairs to reheat the food she had to stop making in order to find her son.  Armin looked down and scuffed the toe of his shoe on the wooden floor.

“You know, you really should let your mother know where you are at all times.”

“Aw, come on, not you too! Armin, the titans will eat us if we don’t hide.”

“Eren… there aren’t any titans.”

“Armin, titans are as real as you an’ me.  I see them.”

Armin pulled on his sweater’s hem nervously.  He didn’t know how to talk to Eren about this.  Was his best friend crazy?  But weren’t crazy people those men on trains in patched up coats and dirty beards?  Like the ones in cartoons?  Eren wasn’t like that.  No, Eren wasn’t crazy.  Eren was his best friend.  The boy he played outside with, the boy who tickled him until he couldn’t breathe, the boy who protected him from bullies.  But, still, he was also the boy who saw things that weren’t there.  Armin decided to change the subject.

“What do you wanna do while we wait for supper?”

Eren plopped back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

“We could have a pillow fight.”

“Eren, I don’t think your mother would like that.”

Eren rolled his eyes and kicked one of his legs out lazily, scoffing as his calf hit the bed with a soft bounce.

“You’re such a goody two shoes.  What do you wanna do then?”

Armin held his finger to his lip, biting the nail a little.

“I had a book I wanted to show you.”

Eren sat up, leaning on one elbow, his curiosity peaked.

“Really?  What’s this one about?”

Armin pulled out a book from his bag that he had thrown in the corner of Eren’s room earlier that day.  He set it down on the bed and climbed up, opening it to reveal a bright, colorful picture of a tropical rainforest.  Eren’s eyes grew wide as he started to flip through the pages.

“I just took this one out from the library yesterday.  It’s about the rainforests of South America!  This is called the Amazon Rainforest”

Eren studied all the pictures carefully.

“What’s that thing?”

“That’s a parrot called a Macaw.  It can live as long as a human!.”

Eren loved when Armin shared his books.  Neither of them could really read yet, but Armin said his grandfather would read to him and Armin was like a sponge, soaking up the information and relaying it back to Eren.  Sometimes he would get facts mixed up, or forget them while mid sentence, reminding them that they were only five years old.  Eren always found it so endearing the way his button nose scrunched up in concentration, blue eyes focused on the picture trying to correctly recall what he had learned so he could properly teach it to him.

“Hey, Armin, we should build a pillow fort.”

Armin looked up from a picture of a poison arrow frog.

“But we’re almost done with the book!”

Eren’s face fell and he clapped his hands (precisely three times.  Armin was used to this habit of his and almost didn’t notice it anymore).

“Well, okay, but after can we make a pillow fort?”

“Sure, Eren.”

Keeping up with Eren could be exhausting sometimes, because he always changed his mind so quickly.

“Hey, let’s go outside now.”

“But we’re looking at the book.”

“No, I want to go outside.” clap clap clap.

“Eren, let’s finish the book first.”

“Okay.”

When Carla called for dinner, Eren slammed the book shut, making Armin squeak in surprise, and ran down the stairs.  Armin followed quietly behind at a safer, more indoor appropriate pace.

“Did you wash your hands?”

Eren stomped his foot.

Carla turned around and looked down at her son, hands on her hip.  Her eyes flashed dangerously at Eren’s behavior.

“Eren, go wash your hands.”

“Does Armin have to, too?”

“Yes, everyone has to wash their hands before eating.”

Eren huffed out through his nose and stomped off, pushing Armin to the bathroom with him.  Hands all clean, the boys returned to the kitchen where Carla stood at the stove.  They lined up behind her with their plates, waiting patiently for her to pile on their food.  Eren held both their plates up, always insisting on carrying Armin’s for him, despite his friend’s protests.  If there was one thing Armin hated, it as feeling like he was inadequate and a burden onto others.  Eren didn’t seem to notice and always wanted to take care of his friend.  He said it made him feel happy to help Armin.  Once seated, Armin waited for Eren’s parents to join them before he started to eat, unlike Eren who was already shoveling food into his mouth.

“This is really good, thank you for letting me stay for dinner, Mrs. Jaeger.”

Armin nudged Eren and shot him a look.  Eren grumbled.

“Thanks mom.”  Another look shot at him. Eren sighed. “For supper.”

Carla paused, fork halfway to her mouth, blinked a few times, then smiled sweetly.

“You’re welcome.  I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”

* * *

 

Carla and Grisha Jaeger knew raising a child would be no walk in the park, but nothing could have prepared them for Eren.  There was no advice, no helpful words in the parenting books that explained their baby’s strange behavior and inconsolable screams.  It seemed their newborn child never stopped screaming, to the point where they were having trouble getting him to eat and sleep.  Grisha, using is doctor expertise, could find nothing physically wrong that might be causing their child so much pain, so he admitted him to the hospital where they could run extensive tests to figure out Eren’s ailment.  To no avail.  Every test came back negative, nothing wrong, perfectly functioning, a-okay.  They had, in medical theory, a healthy baby boy.

This did nothing to ease the Jaeger parents of their worries, or their headaches.  There was nothing they, or the doctors, could do, so they learned to live with it.  Over the next few months, they learned how to deal with a son who never stopped crying.  Learned how to get him to eat, how to get him to sleep.  Eren would sleep on average, 20 minutes at a time, a half hour at most.  This led to an exhausted mother who was at her wits end by the time her husband came home from work every night.  Grisha, after a long shift at the hospital, would then take over, letting his wife get some well deserved rest before he had to go to bed for the night.  The weeks were long, tiring, and never ending.  They ordered a lot of take out during those days.

Around 4 months old, Eren did something he had never done before.  He smiled.  Carla was laying on the couch with him, she had learned physical contact was the most effective way at keeping Eren’s emotions under any semblance of control, drifting off in a daze as a daytime soap played out at low volume.  Eren had stopped his whimpering, nothing unusual as he often did to catch his breath, but when his silence was followed by even more silence, Carla sat up, supporting him to her chest as she rose, and looked down at him.  Eren’s big green eyes were staring up at the ceiling, unblinking and glossy, yet focussed.  It was almost as if he was watching something, although all Carla could see above them was the plain white ceiling.  And then he smiled.  It was like nothing she had ever seen before, her son’s round face finally crease free, soft and innocent, as a baby’s should be.  It took her breath away.  The magic lasted only 15 minutes or so, and soon he fell asleep, entering a deep, calm slumber until Grisha came home.

“Honestly, it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, I almost couldn’t believe it really was happening!  And then he slept for two hours! _Two hours, Grisha_.”

Grisha took his now crying, cranky, post-nap son from her arms and lifted him up.

“Is it true, Eren?  Did you smile for your Mother?”  Eren looked down at his father, gravity making his chubby cheeks seem plumper than they were, and gurgled out an angry protest.  Grisha gave in to his son’s displeasure, bringing him down to his chest and placing a kiss on his head.

“This is such news, Carla.  Hopefully with age, good changes will come.”

* * *

 

At age three, Eren was diagnosed to have a sever case of schizophrenia.  After many violent outbursts and incidents where he would scratch himself bloody, the Jaegers decided to bring him to the psychiatric ward.  They were informed their child was most likely suffering from hallucinations, in which he could see and hear things that weren’t there.  A lot of these hallucinations could be alarming and scary, as most were in cases of schizophrenia.  For now, the diagnosis wasn’t definite, as it was hard to tell at such a young age what Eren was dealing with, and schizophrenia was rare among children.  The doctor assured them as time went on and Eren could properly communicate with them, they’d be able to clearly identify his symptoms.  Not wanting to put their three year old on any medications without a sure way of gauging his reactions, Carla and Grisha did what they could do on their own.  They put mittens on Eren so he couldn’t hurt himself, and they started talking to him about what he saw.  He couldn’t talk well yet, but it seemed he reacted positively when he knew his parents wouldn’t ignore him.  His clapping habit started around this age, as did his inability to focus on even the smallest of tasks.

For the most part, Eren went through periods where he was unreachable.  He’d sit and stare for a majority of the day, and when he wasn’t doing this, he’d have fits full of screaming and violence where he’d try to hurt himself or whichever parent happened to be watching him at the time.  He started talking about titans, huge scary creatures with big smiles and lots of teeth.  He would tell his mother with an empty voice that they ate people, he saw it, he saw the way they’d rip a person’s head off in between their teeth like they were eating a turkey drumstick.  Eren woke up at least five times a night crying hysterically.

When he was four, he made his first friend.  Armin Arlert was a small boy of the same age, blond hair and blue eyes full of all the patience Eren didn’t have.  Eren loved Armin because Armin was smart and kind, Armin made him feel calm with his talk about the ocean and deserts and forests of the world.  Armin made Eren feel sane, made him feel like he could do anything.  He loved Armin a lot.

Five years old was the age he and his parents had their first big breakthrough.  With the help of Armin, Eren realized no one could see what he did.  This helped him understand that his parents couldn’t see the titans, but that only made him more anxious.  If they couldn’t see them then how could they run away from them?

Age six came with more doctor visits and more conversations about the things he saw.  He told the doctors everything he saw, everything he heard.  The blood dripping down huge cheshire smiles, foot steps vibrating throughout the ground, shaking the light fixture in his bedroom.

“I don’t like the titan that comes near our house all the time.”

“You see the same titans more than once?”

Eren clapped his hands.

“Yeah, this titan always comes near our house.  It has hair to it’s shoulders and a big smile with a bunch of straight teeth.”

“Are there other titans you see regularly?”

“Yeah, there’s this angry looking one with big eyes and brown hair, it frowns.”

“What do these titans do to you?”

“Mom, can we go home now?”

“Soon, Eren, but let’s finish talking to the doctor first.”

_Clap clap clap._

“Eren,” the doctor sat down, “Do these titans do anything to you?”

“No, but they eat people.  I have to hide from them.”

“Where do you see them?”

Eren stood up and tried to leave the room, but was gently stopped by his mother.

“I want to go play with Armin.”

“Who’s Armin, Eren?” the doctor asked.

_Clap clap clap._

“My best friend.  Mom, can we go home now?”

At this age, he also started hearing voices talking about walls.  Eren said the voices were out in public, or he’d hear them outside his window, which was on the second floor of their house.  They sounded like people having normal conversations, but he could never find the source.  The doctor let him know that only he could hear the voices and only he could see the titans.  At first they made the mistake of calling the titans “friends only he could see” and Eren burst in a fit of rage, declaring that the titans weren’t friends, they were monsters, monsters that wanted to eat all of the humans.  He was able to be regulated on medication and soon he’d be able to start kindergarten, with supervision of an aid.  Carla and Grisha were relieved to have an explanation and were excited their child could start school and potentially have a bright future after all.  There were always lights at the end of tunnels, no matter how dark and endless the tunnels seemed.

Eren was nine years old when he heard voices that correlated with “everyone else’s reality,” or what his parents called just plain ol’ “reality.”  Nothing had ever happened like this to him before.  Sure, he still saw the titans but not as much since the doctor had put him on medication three years ago.  Eren also began talking back to the voices, as suggested to do by his psychiatrist, to tell them to be quiet, or to please keep their voices down.  He was surprised to find that it worked most of the times.  But these voices he couldn’t ignore.  He heard them outside of his window one night.

_You’re just laying here while that girl’s parents are being murdered._

“What girl?”

_That quiet girl at school.  The one with the tattoo her mother gave her.  She’s going to be kidnapped._

“Why?”

_Because she’s merchandise._

“What?  Why are you talking to me?  Go away!”

_She’s going to be gone forever.  You’ll never see her again._

“Shut up!”

_You’ll never see her again._

“Shut up!  Shut up!  Shut up!”

_You’ll never see her again._

_You’ll never see her again._

_You’ll never see her again._

Eren snuck out that night and ran to the apartment complex he knew the girl to live in.  He didn’t know what room number she lived in though, how was he supposed to find her?  He snuck around the back of the building and waited in the parking lot.  He wasn’t sure what he was waiting for, but he didn’t know what else to do.  After a while, just as he was starting to shiver and doubt his decision to come out here, a man dressed in all black ran out the building’s back entrance and towards a van, opening the back sliding door.  Two other men exited the building shortly after, one carrying a small bundle over his shoulder.  Eren saw red.  With a scream as loud as his small lungs could allow him, he ran out from his hiding spot and plowed into the man who was holding the bundle.  Satisfaction swelled in Eren’s chest as he felt his head meet the bottom of a ribcage and heard a crack.  The bunde fell to the ground and Eren was on it in a second, tearing at the cloth, pulling the ropes.

“Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!”

Eren ducked as one of the men swung at him, but then he was slammed into the ground by a weight so heavy, he thought he might be crushed to death.  He did the only thing he could do at this point.  He screamed.  Someone in the building had to hear him.

“Wake up!  You have to fight!  You have to fight!  Don’t let them take you!  If you fight, you win, if you don’t, you die!  Wake up!”

The bundle stirred, but one of the men grabbed it and threw it into the van.  Eren let out a scream so feral, he was sure his throat was bleeding.  The man holding him down covered his mouth and Eren bit into the soft flesh of the man’s hand until he felt bone under his teeth, screaming around the taste of blood.  A quick blow to the side of his head made him see stars and his jaw slackened.

“The fucker bit me!”

“Who the fuck cares!  Hurry up and get in the van!”

Eren sat up trying to chase after the man, he had to get in that van!  He had to save the girl!  The van door slammed in his face and tires screeched as the van sped away.  Eren stared at the red tail lights as they peeled out of the parking lot and then he screamed and charged, chasing the van as fast as he could, although it was no use, the van got smaller and smaller down the road.  Eren stopped and bent over, gasping and clutching his stomach.  Tears spilled out of his eyes and bloodied spit dripped from his gritted teeth.  They got her, those men got her, just like the voices warned him.  Flashing red and blue lights sped past him, sirens blaring.  Eren watched them through blurry, wet eyes, the distorted light filling his vision.  Someone had heard, someone had called the cops.  He had to keep running, the cops would get the men, they had to!  And Eren had to make sure of it.

* * *

 

“Let me see her!”

Strong arms grabbed Eren by the waist and held him back.

“Do you know her, son?”

“She goes to my school! I tried to get her from the bad guys but they took her anyway!”

“Calm down, she’s okay.”

Eren struggled to get out of the cop’s grip and bit his arm.

“Ow! What--”

Eren sped off, pushing through the policemen and straight to the girl, who was sitting in the back of an ambulance.  A paramedic went to stop him from climbing into the vehicle, but took one look at the bloodied boy with a purple, swollen eye and decided that an ambulance is exactly where this boy needed to be.  Eren rushed up to the girl.

“Are you okay?”

The girl looked up at him with gray eyes.  Her bottom lip wibbled.

“Hey, you’re safe now.  My name’s Eren.  What’s yours?”

The girl sniffed and wiped away tears before they could fall.

“Mikasa.”

“They didn’t hurt you, right?”

Mikasa shook her head.

“They killed my mom and dad.”

“I know.”

Mikasa looked up at him.

“You know?”

Eren clapped.

“Mhmm.  I’m just glad you’re safe now.”

Mikasa stared at him.

“You saved me.”

Eren shrugged.

“Not really.  The policemen did.”

Mikasa looked down and hugged herself.

“I don’t know where I’m gonna go now.  I don’t have a family.”

Eren wrapped his arm around MIkasa’s shoulders and pull her to his side.

“You can stay with me an’ my family!”

Mikasa looked down, letting her tears fall freely.  Eren unwrapped part of his scarf and looped it around her neck, so they were sharing the soft, red material.

“Here, now they have to let you come home with me.”

Mikasa sniffled and touched the scarf, pulling it higher around her face.  She took Eren’s hand.

“I don’t want you to leave me, Eren.”

Eren hugged the girl closer to him and let the paramedics start examining them as the doors slammed shut and the vehicle pulled out with its sirens on.

“I won’t.  I promise.”


	2. Direction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know my timeline jumps around a bit... but I always try to state an age or drop a hint at what point in Eren's life I'm writing about... hope it's not confusing. Enjoy!

The therapist’s office was dark, a blueish gray rug and walls of the same hue.  It reminded Eren of a rainy day.  It made him sleepy.

“So, tell me a little about Armin.”

Eren fidgeted in the soft armchair and clapped.

“He’s my best friend.”

His therapist was soft spoken and kind, although sometimes Eren got annoyed with all the questions.

“How did you meet Armin?”

“At the playground.  Do you have any games?”

“I do, but you can play with them when your mom comes in.  What do you like about Armin?”

_Clap clap clap._

“He’s nice and plays with me.  And he’s smart.  He always shares his books.”

“What does Armin look like?”

“He’s shorter than me and has blond hair that looks like a little mushroom.”

“Do you know how old he is?”

“He’s 6 like me.”

_Clap clap clap._

“Has Armin ever said anything mean to you?”

“No, but he tells me he can’t see the titans and that makes me scared.  Can I play with a game now?”

_Clap clap clap._

“When your mother comes in.  Armin can’t see the titans?”

Eren shook his head.  The therapist looked over their glasses and continued.

“I see.  Have you ever tried to hurt Armin?”

_Clap clap clap._

“No! Armin is my best friend!”

Eren scratched at his scalp furiously and brought his knees up to his chest.

“Okay, Eren.  I think that’s it for today.  I’ll have your mother come in and you can look in the toybox for a game.”

Eren jumped up and ran over to the small toy box in the corner of the room and pulled out a puzzle that was missing a few of its pieces.  He dumped the pieces out while his therapist talked softly with his mother.

“So you’re saying it’s okay for Eren to be so close to Armin?”

“I’d actually go as far as saying their friendship is a healthy addition to Eren’s development, Mrs. Jaeger.”

“So what should I do?  How do I handle this friendship he has with Armin?”

“Treat it as you would any child with a friend.  Armin is a very positive thing in Eren’s life, it seems. Every child needs their one best friend, and that’s what Armin is to Eren.  I understand your worries because of Eren’s illness, but if you keep an eye on his behavior towards Armin, there really shouldn’t be a problem.”

Relief flooded Carla’s face and she thanked the therapist, fetched her son, after cleaning up the mess Eren made, of course, and left the office.

* * *

 

Eren entered kindergarten two years later than the average child would.  Armin was two grades ahead of him and at this time, he decided he didn’t like the word “crazy.”  His blood boiled every time he heard other students referring to Eren as “the crazy kid” or “psycho.”  Multiple times he found himself yelling at them, standing up for his best friend, but he was always ignored.  Typical, a small weakling like him.  Of course no one would listen to him.  No one liked a smarty pants.  A few times Eren must have heard his yelling and came rushing out of no where, his frantic aid in tow, and landed punches on the unsuspecting kids who were upsetting his dear friend.  No one made Armin angry like that on Eren’s watch.  Armin always had to calm Eren down, desperately pleading with him to stop, he was okay.

“Eren, please, I’m okay, you saved me, it’s okay!”

Eren struggled against the grip his aid had on his arm.

“Let me go!  They were being mean to Armin!”

Armin had to get in Eren’s face, a feat no one else would even attempt, with Eren’s gnashing teeth being a weapon he used often.  He cupped Eren’s face and pushed their foreheads together.

“Eren, please, calm down.  You’ll get in trouble if you hurt them.  I’m okay, I promise.”

Their noses bumped and Armin winced at the tingling pain that shot up to his eyes.  He could feel Eren’s hot breath on his face, the heat making him feel damp and uncomfortable.

“Eren, please, I’m okay.  Calm down.  Okay?  Do you hear me?”

Eren crossed his eyes trying to focus on Armin’s.  Armin felt his friend relax under his hands.  He didn’t dare let go just yet.

“Do you hear me, Eren?”

“Yes.  I hear you.”

“I’m okay.  Thank you, Eren.”

Eren closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Armin.”

“I’m not mad.  I just don’t want you to get in trouble.”

Eren nodded his head, his forehead rubbing against Armin’s bangs, making the blond tufts stick up after he pulled away, blinking at his small friend.  Armin’s hands fell from his face.

“Armin, your hair looks like a chicken!”

Armin flattened his hair down flat.

“Eren!  That’s because of you!”

Eren smiled and Armin glowered at him.

“It’s not funny, Eren!”

“Aw, lighten up, Armin, I’m not making fun of you.”

Well, at least he was smiling.

* * *

 

A year later Mikasa entered the picture.  Armin saw her as an angel sent directly from heaven itself, although her eyes said she’d seen hell.  Wherever Eren went, Mikasa followed.  Armin didn’t know what happened to her, one day Eren introduced him to her and said that she was his new sister, but whatever went down, it had formed an undying loyalty in the quiet girl’s chest.  Eren’s school life became less of a struggle.  Carla and Grisha were relieved to hear that ever since Mikasa’s adoption, Eren has been well behaved, no violent outbursts, no escape attempts, no fights with fellow students.  The aids loved Mikasa, always joking that she was their little helper with the way she always accompanied the boy whenever he left the classroom.  Now that Eren was in first grade, he was able to be placed in special education classes, where he was given the one on one attention he needed.  To his parents’ delight, Eren was doing steadily better in school overall.  Lights at the end of the tunnels.  There were always lights, and there was no doubt, Mikasa was one of them.  Although to the girl, Eren was her light, and she was pulled out of her tunnel the night Eren saved her.

* * *

 

Eren clearly remembers the first day he felt hope.  He was playing outside with Armin and Mikasa when he saw a titan walking through the trees near his house, the enormous head bobbing slowly and mechanically as it made its way towards the trio.  Eren froze.  No, this titan was too close, it would see them any second, it was too late to hide he had to run!  Armin and Mikasa sat and watched Eren, knowing all too well by their friend’s wide eyed stare that he was seeing something.

“...Eren?”  Armin’s voice was timid and he mentally scolded himself for being such a baby.

Eren jumped up.

“Armin, Mikasa, we have to run now!  There’s a--”

Eren stopped and stared.  As the titan breached the clearing where he and his friends play, a spray of blood erupted from the back of it’s neck.  The monster fell out from in between the trees, mouth open in a voiceless, smiling scream, shaking the ground with its landing.  Steam, so much steam.  Why was there so much steam?  Eren let out a hiss of pain from the heat and ducked down, covering his head.

“Guys, get down!  It’s too hot!”

Armin and Mikasa watched him, unsure of what to do.  Should they go get Carla?

The steam finally subsided and Eren lifted his head.  Through the dissolving vapor he saw the shadow of a man standing on the back of the giant corpse, his cloak bellowing softly around his shoulders.  His features slowly came into focus, revealing short black hair and grey eyes that reminded him of Mikasa’s.  In his hands he held two giant swords that were still steaming with evaporating blood.  The man, who was actually rather small, held his gaze for a few seconds then turned around and then to Eren’s surprise, shot out two ropes and flew off into the trees with a burst of smoke.  Eren stared after the man, watching the green cloak flutter as it disappeared into the shadows.  Wings.  There were wings on that cloak.  If only he had those wings…

Eren looked down at the titan’s body.  It… it was disintegrating?  That’s it?  If you cut them down they disappear?

“Eren?”

The boy turned towards his friend with such a passionate glee in his eyes he looked almost manic.  Then he raised his hands and jumped, punching the air and letting out a whoop.

“Armin, we can kill the titans.”

* * *

 

Mikasa and Armin kept a close watch on Eren for the rest of their time playing outside.  He seemed to be regular, ol’ Eren, if anything, he seemed happier and more energetic.  The three children sat in a triangular formation, digging a hole in the sandbox.  Eren peered down into it.

“How far down do you think we can reach?”

Armin peered in as well, his head bumping Eren’s.

“I read that the center of the earth is full of hot magma!”

Eren sat back on his heels and pushed his hair off his forehead, leaving a dirt smudge behind.

“What’s magma?”

“Well… I think it’s something like liquid fire.”

“Liquid fire?  Do you think if we keep digging we can reach some?”

Armin scrunched his nose and stuck his arm into the hole.  The opening came up to the middle of his bicep.

“I don’t know.  We’ll just have to find out!”

Armin pulled his arm out and brushed the dirt off his sleeve.  He and Eren got back to work, scraping at the cool, damp sand with their fingernails.

“Mikasa you gonna help or what?”

Mikasa met Eren’s green eyes with her own gray ones and adjusted her scarf.  She shook her head.  Eren shrugged.

“Fine, more fun for me and Armin.”

They continued to dig in a peaceful silence, sometimes giggling when their fingers got tangled.

“Don’t you think you’re a little too old to be digging in the dirt?”

Eren sat up and looked around trying to find the source of the unfamiliar voice.  He spotted two boys sitting in the grass a few feet away from the sandbox.  One of the boys was sneering at him.  Well, just _who_ did that jerk think he was with his stupid hair and stupid face?  Eren stood up and approached them.

“Were you talking to me?”

The boy scoffed.

“No, I was talking to the _other_ nine year old digging in the dirt like a two year old.”

The other boy spoke up.

“Jean, leave him alone.”

“Marco, he can speak for himself.”

Eren stared at Marco.  The boy was missing his right arm and shoulder, scraps of shredded skin sticking to his bloodied shirt.  Half his neck was non existent and Eren could see the boy’s throat, torn open and glistening amongst exposed tendons and muscles.  But what was most terrifying was Marco’s face.  The right half of his face was missing, his teeth bared in an unhappy half-grin.  Eren could see his brain, scrambled and matted into the dark hair on the remaining left side of head.

_Clap clap clap._

“What happened to your face?”

The other boy, Jean, pipes up.

“God, you’re so rude!  Were you raised in a barn?”

“Jean, it’s okay, really.”

Marco’s mouth moved, his teeth opening and closing.  He had no lips to form words, no tongue to move in his half a mouth.  But the words spilled out, clear and enunciated.  Blood oozed from his fractured jaw and dripped down the wounds and into the soaked collar of his shirt.

“A titan bit me, actually.”

Eren’s heart leapt into his throat.  He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“You see the titans too?”

Jean snorted.

“ _Duh_.  They’ve gotten into the walls.”

Eren couldn’t believe it! Someone from the walls!  He finally met people from the walls!

“You’re from the walls?”

“Yes!  But the Colossal Titan and Armored Titan broke down the gates and now the titans have invaded all of Wall Maria.”  Jean narrowed his eyes.

Eren stared at them, he could feel panic and anger swell up inside of him.  How dare those titans torment him, how dare these titans torment these people inside the walls.

“So what are you going to do?”

Marco’s eye lit up and he sat up straight.

“We’re going to join the military and hope to join the Military Police!  I want to serve with honor under our King!”

Jean rolled his eyes.

“Well, _I’m_ not fooling myself with this honor bullshit like Marco is.  I’m aiming for the MP so I can be safe in the inner walls.  The best way to survive is to avoid the titans.  And the best way to avoid titans is to get in Wall Sina under the protection of the King.”

Eren clenched his fists.

“Well, that sounds like something a coward would say!  I saw that man, the one with the wings!  He sliced down that titan in one blow.  They can be beaten!”

“Boy, you’re really stupid kid.  Joining the Survey Corps is a death wish.  Their missions are nothing but suicide missions.  You’d be a fool to join their league.  Sure, you’re all hyped up on what you saw, but anyone would be inspired after seeing Humanity’s Strongest in action.  He makes killing titans look easy.”

“Well, I think you’re wrong!  I want to kill them!  I’m tired of the titans ruling our lives!”

Marco looked between them and placed his hand on Jean’s shoulder.

“Hey, settle down, guys.  We all have our reasons for joining the military, no need to fight about it.”

Eren stood down.  Joining the military?  He never thought…

“Eren?”

That was Armin.  Eren turned around and saw Armin staring at him worriedly, Mikasa watching him from behind the blond boy’s head.  Eren looked back over at Jean and Marco, but the boys must have left.

“Eren, are you okay?”

Eren rubbed his eyes and started to walk back to Armin and MIkasa.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Armin.”

_Clap clap clap._

“Eren.”  Mikasa pulled down her scarf and surveyed Eren with her gaze.

Eren looked up, blinking away the blurriness left behind from rubbing his eyes.

“I’m fine, ‘Kasa.”

Join the military.  That’s what he’d do.  He’d join the military and work his way up so he could join the Survey Corps and kill titans side by side with the man he saw, Humanity’s Strongest.

“Did you see someone, Eren?”  Mikasa asked.

“Jean and Marco.  They’re joining the training corps so they can join the military and fight the titans.  They’re from inside the walls.”

“What walls, Eren?”  Armin looked scared.

“Come on, Armin, the walls.  I’ve told you about them!  Maria, Rose, and Sina!  The titans got into Maria, so Jean and Marco are joining the military to take their homes back.  They’re gonna beat the titans!”

* * *

 

It started as a typical day of school, until Eren told Armin at lunch that he had decided to join the military.

“Armin shut up!  You’re being a coward!”

Mikasa narrowed her eyes at her brother’s outburst, Armin flinched.

“Eren, you’re jumping ahead of yourself! There’s no way you’re going to join the military right now!  You’re not even allowed until you’re 18!  You’re only nine!”

“No, not that military!  The other military!”

“Eren, there is no other military!”

‘ _Yes_ , there is.  The military from inside the walls.  And _you_ can’t join it even if you wanted to because you’re not brave enough.  You don’t care about killing the titans.  Well, I’m not like you, Armin, I’m not happy with just sitting here while titans eat everyone.  You want to be pushed along like cattle, fine.  Live in fear.”

Armin’s eyes were wide, his mouth agape.  How was he supposed to tell Eren that he wasn’t afraid of the titans because he didn’t see them?  How do you tell your friend that what he’s talking about doesn’t exist?  You can’t.

“Eren… please.  Just calm down and listen to me.  Please--”

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”

_Clap clap clap._

“Eren, please.”

Eren jumped up from the lunch table, swatting his aid’s hand away, and got in Armin’s face.

“No!  You’re such a coward!  You’re always just going along with--”

Eren fell backwards onto the floor.  Mikasa stood over him with her hand balled in a fist.  She adjusted her scarf around her neck.

“Enough, Eren.”

The boy looked up at his sister and touched his cheek, completely in shock.  The aid seemed frozen in time, doubting if she saw correctly.  With a start, she came back to herself and jumped up.

“A-alright, you two, lunchtime is over.  Let’s go to the principal’s office.”

Her voice was sweet. if a little shaken, as she helped Eren up.  She walked the siblings to the office, Mikasa’s hand in her left, Eren’s in her right, as a watery-eyed Armin was left sitting alone with his sandwich.

You can only imagine Carla’s disbelief when she answered the phone and was informed Mikasa had punched Eren.


End file.
